Its close now. Very close.
I have always loved my wife. That's not a secret I guess. But for the last nine months, I don't know if I should say that my love for her has increased. That does not sound appropriate, does it? Sounds too cliched maybe. Yeah. Lets end it there.
Maybe, its the respect and care that has shot up. Yeah maybe. Something has changed for sure.
I am not famous for most of my relationships. I have been quite a disappointing son. A sucker at being a brother. None of my cousins are close to me. There were some but not any more. I am quite a pathetic Mamu. I have just about managed to be a below average son in law. So ...
The 2 relationships that I have somehow tried to save the ship is with my wife and my friends. Even here, both of these have taken a hit over the last year. I have hardly reached out to any of my friends and I have a wife whom I have kept waiting. Sounds like a self bashing up, isn't it? It is ...
I would have liked lots of things to be different. I would have liked to read more stories to my would-be-baby. I would have liked to satisfy more of my wife's cravings. I would have liked more of those late night strolls with my wife planning for my baby's future. I would have liked to be there for all of the get togethers of my friends. I would have liked and I would have liked. That list is pretty long. Not so great for a person who is going to be a father pretty soon.
That's the next relationship test for me. Being a father. I get goosebumps imagining that one more relationship might end up the same way as so many have in the past. Dratch.
Somehow, for a person like me who likes to be confident (and over confident a lot of times) almost always, the pressure is getting to me of being a good father. And that's the last thing I need. I don't want to be pressurized to be a good father. That will make matters worse.
But, I hope and I kinda know that all is not so bad. I am more than looking forward to it. I (along with Amruta) will ensure that our child gets to live a good life, if nothing else. I am sure all parents feel the same. I don't think I am saying anything new here to be honest.
Nervous. Tensed. Excited. Happy. Jittery. Anxious. In a loop.
Waiting to hold Junior in my arms.
Cheers ... !!